Hash Number 1472 – the Mystery Trip
Hares were Rambo and Scarborough Boggy
Sunday 1st August – YORKSHIRE DAY!
After many ideas and lots of thought, well about 5 mins on the phone with Boggy the plan for the mystery trip was hatched, meet in Leeds station, bus to Keithley, catch the Worth Valley buffet steam train to Howarth, run over to Stanbury and the Wuthering Heights pub, then the next pub and down to the Silent Inn then over the tops to the Bronte waterfall and kissing bridge, and finally back into Howarth for a drink in all the pubs before catching the bus back to Leeds. Job done.
The recce started badly with Rambo at Keithley station and Boggy at Oxenhope which is at the other end of the line! How he managed to get there god only knows but we then agreed to meet in Howarth where the trail was to start, when we finally managed to get together we went to the station shop to get a local walk map only to be held up by the only gay in the effing village who couldn’t count his money! Boy what a mincer!
The trail was located and laid – a good cross country trail – and then we prayed it didn’t rain and wash away the flour! After 4 hours we got back to the station had a down down and a pie and went home satisfied that all was well. Just near the end of the trail we were tracked down by a hasher from the Athens Hash No F in Cod and her hasher greyhound toffee lady who was sporting an Everton dog coller, we were quizzed on our hash and asked if they could run with us – no problem and they would meet us at the station in Howarth the following morning.
The great day came and the pack ensembled in the Wetherspoons at the Leeds station where breakfasts were had and the obligatory drink or two was downed! Big Foot and Jake, Candy and his new bride Smutters, Sicko, Wheels, Henry and Ginger, a new boots called Ross, Vynl arsehole, Giver her one and Boggy all from SH4, Blow Job and 19th arrived, Borderline appeared and the pack was ready for the on – on to the coach.
Ross had hashed before and had been living in Japan – a good young lad and a great sport! Borderline had run with us before but not for a while. The team piled onto the bus with still no idea of the destination but with plenty of ideas – all wrong may I add.
We arrived at the Worth Valley railway station in Keithley in good time for the steam train with real ale buffet car, once we had negotiated the group discount we moved to the end of the platform for the 1st down downs of the day, Step forward Heathcliff and Cathy the newly weds! Jake and Big Foot had organised a rerun of the Norfolk wedding Smutters and Candy! Suitably dressed Jake carried out the service and the champers (well sparkling pop from bottles won in previous raffles) was opened and drunk just as the train pulled in with its whistle blowing. Sicko was the first to the bar and the Gooseeye was flowing! All too soon the train pulled into Howarth station and we were greeted by No F in Cod her husband Glove maker and the Yorkshire greyhound toffee lady! After a quick hash brief the on on was calledand the day began! Jake and Ross were on trail in no time with Vynyl Arshole while the scb’s cut through the park where FERRETS were on sale at £10 each. Cheap at half the price! The birds of prey were great especially the barn owls. On on up the hill and the free samples at the Edingburgh Woollen Mill were being scoffed by who else but Henry! The path was missed with those with “local knowledge” going in the wrong direction until Jake and Vynyl found the sneaky track. The SCB’s were shown the shortcut (well long actually) way to the 1st beer stop, A good trail across country complete with river crossing was enjoyed by all and we were soon at the Wuthering Heights and a welcome pint. Blow Job did the honours for me…………..and we were given the keys to a Audi and a house and wherever else these keys fitted, the barman insisted we had put them on the bar. No amount of saying nobody in our party had done this would appease him. After cooling down and thirsts slaked it was on on to the next beer stop. Here we held some down downs……New boots Ross and Glove Maker and no F in Cod where duly imbibed with ale! The on on was called and off we went to the third beer stop in the Silent Inn where an aquaintance was made with a aged gentleman from Canterbury in Kent who had reached the Silent Inn by public transport on his bus pass over 5 days for charity! A quick whipround produced £20 for his troubles and in return he gave us the bus times back into Howarth as a few of the pack were on the verge of being pissed! Boggy took the 7 hardy souls of across the wild and windy moores (reminds me of a song – cant think what) and Rambo took the others on the service bus just to make sure they were ok!
Once in Howarth we hit the Kings Head first with Wheels now in full flow and Ginger Root explaining why a rampant rabbit was better at sex than Henry had us all falling off our seats with laughter – blow Job and 19th were in bits. The main pack arrived and we moved on down to the Fleece in search of a good meal………..only to find out that food finished at 4pm……..not to worry 19th cousin was in attendance and produced a meagre sausage roll for us to share. The chippy was hit by all before we got back on the bus for the return journey to Leeds
Candy and Smutters left us at the station both well oiled! Jake and Big Foot fell out in Shipley and the rest of us fell into Wetherspoons where we had set off from 7 hours earlier. We were now joined by Brillo who was on his way home from a gig somewhere. Rambo ordered the Down Downs and Vynle did the honours – the two hares were suitably sorted out as was Henry and Ginger for some reason that escapes me, then we had a naming ceremony for Ross who is now aptly named as WAN-KING due to his Japenese days!! Farewells were said and Psycho (sicko to his mates) was pissed and wondered off in search of a train never to be seen again, probably woke up in Scumchester. A truly great day out with a good crowd and plenty of belly laughs throughout the day!
On a darker note just before we left for home Wan-King asked some clown what his gaily coloured flag was and he barked back it’s the symbol of gays do YOU have a problem with that? Brillo and Rambo stepped in and the ladyboy took his flag and went.
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