YH3 Run 1375, Fox and Grapes, Pudsey, 17th November 2008
Wheels’s 1000th Run!
Hares – Matilda and Sweetbreads
Scribe – Jake the Peg
There was a lot to celebrate tonight. The run was billed as a Children in Need special and, indeed, what could be more fitting than a trail laid by a pair of Pudseys
around the back streets of Pudsey? Under most circumstances, this would be more than enough, but not tonight; Wheels had also contrived that this would be his 1000th run.
Although that, of course is not strictly true ... It transpires that Mrs Pudsey herself (aka Sweetbreads) had been deliberately perverting the stats for several months with
the result that Wheels (and the rest of us, for that matter) was convinced that he was only on 999 today.
I’ve not got the full stats at hand, but there were a good 30 or so out on the trail. Having been told that there was a mixture of Good Trail (with circles on the
falsies) and Bad Trail (without ...) laid in the locality, we all plunged straight into the depths of the Leeds Country Way, torches obligatory, of course at 7.30 on a dark
winter’s evening. In fact, there was hardly any trail to be seen at all, whether good or bad - the rain having washed most of it away and produced a decent amount of
shiggy in the process. Pastime of the night consisted of loitering in groups by stiles, lamp posts, walls, trees, etc, trying to decide whether white patches on each
surface were flour or bird shite. Nonetheless, we managed to find our way back across the Pudsey road, across a suitably shitty estate and back into fields on the way to
Which was appropriate, since Owl was at the front, occasionally accompanied by myself and Candyfloss. It was like turning the clock back 12 years when the three of us used
to set or run trails round here every other week. Having said that, Wheels was already on 500 runs by that stage. Tempus fu*kit.
If anyone had run to Owlcotes, they’d be a twit to woo, since the trail actually looped clockwise through various ginnels, across a football pitch and eventually to a
pub stop in central Pudsey. Sam Smiths at tuppence-ha’penny a pint. Marvellous.
The return trail was short and to the point, but it was still well after 9pm when we got back to the On Inn. Inside, we were treated to chocolate and cornflake crispy
cakes whilst waiting for the down-downs, which were officiated by Matilda and Shaggy.
First up - the hares. Matilda and Sweetbreads atoned for their felonies (actually the trail wasn’t that bad, but don’t let on!).
Grope was smeared in the circle for having a muddy arse. Owl was ransomed since, it was alleged, that Sweetbreads owns him. 19th Hole was fondled for having a soft top on
her car. Smuttars was ticked off for her titless changing in the car park.
New boots Dawn had been hanging around since dusk and was so eager to please that she spent most of the evening selling raffle tickets. Definitely worth a pint.
Sweetbreads was a landmark (no, not Beachy Head), having reached 100 runs. Of course, when one Vet nurse drinks, all vet nurses drink, so Dawn and Easy Access were dragged
in to join her. Magnum was also nabbed for a random misdemeanour, whose content my deaf lug holes missed on the night.
Pride of place, of course, went to Wheels, who was as of this day the first Yorkshire hasher to reach 1,000 runs.
Wheels started hashing in 1984 at the age of five and got to 1,000 runs having secured his bus pass and a permit to busk anywhere in the York metropolitan area. Who says
that hashing keeps you young? In Wheels’s hashing heyday, the old king was alive, Maggie had swiped the school milk off every kid and the Beatles were playing
Hamburg. Some of the people he has seen off over the years include Methane, Inkspot, Kipper, Mr Angry, Grey rabbit, Noddy, (Dr) Spiderman and (latterly) Boghopper.
Empires have risen and fallen, continents have split apart and rejoined, galaxies have merged and imploded. It’s a good job that the awards were of an appropriate
Firstly (as Father Jack would say) Drink! - An engraved hip flask, plus two bottles of Jameson’s (totalling 24 years) emerged. Next, some very special haberdash was
presented, comprising an embriodered polo shirt (showing Wheels’s cycling fetish, plus the 1,000th run theme) and a GOLD embroidered waistcoat for posh events (at
least that will be used once every Preston guild). Finally, a very impressive photo montage was given, showing Wheels’s development over the last century or so, in
conjunction with some vary scary images of other hashers, both past and present.
Wheels was suitably overcome with emulsion and thanked everyone present. Rumour has it that the drinks are on him in a couple of weeks’ time!
Next up, a splendid buffet, with sarnies, sausages and chips. Final treat of the night was a special raffle for Children in need. Well over £100 worth of tickets were
sold. Great effort by all concerned.
Well done Wheels, you old sod, here's to the next 1,000!
Jake the Peg AD 2008-11-19 22:45.
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